Thursday, March 12, 2020

अर्धनिर्मित गाथा

यहाँ कोई मित्र नहीं है, कोई आश्वस्त चरित्र नहीं है
सब अर्धनिर्मित है
अर्धनिर्मित इमारतें हैं, अर्धनिर्मित बच्चों कि शरारतें हैं
अर्धनिर्मित ज़िन्दगी कि शर्ते हैं
अर्धनिर्मित जीवन पाने के लिए लोग रोज़ यहाँ मरते हैं
अर्धनिर्मित है यहाँ के प्रेमियों का प्यार
अर्धनिर्मित है यहाँ मनुष्यों के जीवन के आधार
आज का दिन अर्धनिर्मित है
न धूप है, न छाओं है
मंजिल कि डगर से विपरीत चलते पाँव है
अर्धनिर्मित सी सेहत है
न कभी देखा निरोगी काया को, न कभी दिल से कहा अलविदा माया को
हमारी अर्धनिर्मित सी कहानी है, अर्धनिर्मित हमारे युवाओं कि जवानी है
हम रोज़ एक अर्धनिर्मित शय्या पर लेटे हुए एक अर्धनिर्मित सा सपना देखते हैं
उस सपने में हम अपनी अर्धनिर्मित आकांक्षाओं को आसमानों में फेंकते हैं
आसमान को भी इन आकांक्षाओं को समेटकर अर्धनिर्मित होने का एहसास होता होगा
क्योंकि यह आकांक्षाएं हमारी नहीं आसमान की है
बिलकुल वैसे ही जैसे यह अर्धनिर्मित गाथा तुम्हारी है और आयुष्मान की है।
- आयुष्मान खुर्राना


Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Home

It's been a few days since I arrived in Canada. I was hoping that I would be super excited - after all, it was an effort of a year to get the residency. However, it feels as if even if I had not chosen this path, life would have been equally eminent, but then I had chosen this path for a reason. When I was packing my stuff, I felt nothing about the start of this new era - neither joy nor sorrow. Still feels nothing - that's comforting feeling indeed, I don't deny it. Although, what really mattered to me, when I was packing, was entirely different. Father was sitting in the corner, speaking nothing and just watching me pack with eyes filled with deep sorrow, that really made-makes me sad. He didn't even come to drop me at the station, which he always does. Once our parent loses their partner, they become our children. I should have said something to make him assure that I am still only a call away, but I didn't. What was I thinking. Canada seems too far from home. Life in Canada is easy, I accept that but if I ever go back to India, which I might now, it will be solely for the family.

http://www.careerizma.com/blog/why-nri-return-to-india-reverse-brain-drain

Thursday, March 5, 2020

Thoughts of Delhi - Life

When you go through a deep heartbreak - you lie in your bed, you feel deeply sad, you keep thinking about it until you don’t feel asleep (which you didn’t even realize - when did you fell asleep), perhaps maybe in dreams too - you keep dreaming about it - instinctively hoping that all these might relieve you of your pain, but nothing of this does really help, does it? It, instead, makes you sadder. Still, you keep doing it even though you know that this is making you more sad but you still do it. It hurts and you knowingly keep hurting yourself. Perhaps, your soul has already come in full power silently and has already started erasing those times which is hurting you so deeply, so intensely. Those marks on time take time to be unmarked and it hurts. It hurts like, when you pull your own skin out from your body like you are flaying yourself, but even more slowly. It hurts that much. But you need this, even if you just didn’t realize yet, you need it. So, you keep hurting yourself by remembering them. This is what Mourning feels like. You are mourning for something, which was never yours - you just didn’t know yet, you forgot conveniently but now remembers finally - This hurts, doesn’t it?

This is how you mourn deeply, silently, alone-ly, reverentially, lovingly. Can’t this, the mourning, be a beautiful experience in future? Someday, you might remember it (this mourning) fondly, perhaps? This comes, when you finally move on for forever. You forgive them and self - you have just unremembered someone. Perhaps, when life sets on, a more memorable turn comes up. This is what forgiving is, living life is, saying life is so so beautiful is, appreciating what you have is, being thankful is. You live yourself. That would make you a kind person unknowingly, make you feel connected to the needy ones, to ones who are still suffering. This is how it counts.

On the same note, why can’t we celebrate happiness alone? Why can’t We be happily alone within self first?

That’s what life is: Sorrow and Happiness. There can’t be anything in between these two extremes.

So, if sorrows of the past come back to haunt you, show them the future. As Rumi says, after all life is the balance of holding on and letting go. Love Live life happily - that’s what counts!

On a funny note: Don’t mourn for anyone until they are dead :D
On a serious note: Mourning is very very precious. It’s truest manifestations exist only in a very few quantities. Once you exceed its limit - you get used to it. So, don’t mourn over un-mournable - mourn only for those that made you a better person, a good person, a just one.

Peace Out. Sabakher!
- Last Night in Delhi : End of This - Start of New.

Bullshit of Delhi

In the early days of marriage, a woman is always interested in every bullshit of his man, no matter how stupid it could be. Perhaps that’s one of the ways to know more about his man. So whenever the guy gets High, she listens to him keenly and perhaps she loves every bit of his bullshit talks. But what about after 10 years!

So after 10 years, when the husband gets high and starts his bullshit talk -

Wife: Arre aap chup rahiye. Humko Sab Malum hai. Nhi sunaiye. (You please keep mum. I know everything, don’t make me listen to it again).

So she keeps saying the same thing whenever he gets high and then he keeps Mum.

Then one day he got high again but this time he also had a plan. He went to his wife and starts his bullshit talk.

Then she says: Arre aap chup rahiye, humko sab malum hai - aap kya boliyega. (Oh, you please keep mum, I know everything - what would you say)

But this time, the husband says: Nhi nhi ... ess bar ekdum naya bolege (No No... this time I will say something entirely new)

Then her wife replies: Humko Malum hai... chup rahiye aap :D
(I know that already, you please keep mum :D)


PS: that’s my own joke and it’s been half an hour I am laughing over this... why not share the laughter. Smile Darwins and Darlings ☮️



Wednesday, March 4, 2020

Thoughts of Ballia

I don’t believe that people could be busy all the time, though few do pretend to, because perhaps that makes them feel important about themselves, to feel that the whole world around them would collapse without them. None of that would happen even if you drop dead at this instant, however, could you accept this fact that you are mostly busy in irrelevant things which will not even matter to you merely after few years. Then why? People are never busy for things which truly matter to them. If given a choice, would you choose to go to an exotic holiday or take care of your ailing family? People choose either of them and perhaps that says a lot about their priorities. Recall the last time when you were completely un-busy (I know there is no such word) and you just enjoyed your own company. Perhaps that’s why sometimes people run away from everything to find their inner peace. 

Imagine you board a long-distance train with 99% battery and when you deboard, it’s still 99%. The journey between these two points - you shut down completely, you slowly eat your home-cooked food and slowly sip water for hours, you see people talking, sometimes they try to strike a conversation with you and yet you just stay afloat, looking at them, observing their mood without intruding their privacy, you don’t utter a single word, you look outside the window and see the ever-changing scenery and in all between, you sometimes just fall asleep. Your friends, relatives, acquaintances might get annoyed because of your sudden complete shutdown because to them you don’t even acknowledge how busy they are.

The fact remains the same - The world will keep revolving even if I don’t exist, so why can’t I just take a chill pill. I am not that important - don’t want to be one ever. Just want to be a simple human who didn’t knowingly cause suffering to anyone until I live, to be someone whom people could remember in their prayers - that’s all I ever need.

“It matters no more, I got you”

- written with phone -