As They Say!

Latterly, I had a vivid dream of slowly losing my eyesight, like a lens zooming out of focus - a windy experience. I am not sure what does that signify, some say such dreams represent a loss of intuition, or perhaps a loss of something that is so dear to you. Or maybe, it is the subconscious mind reminder to see the reality what it really is that open eyes can't. Perhaps I see what it is but was refusing to accept as it is, perhaps I know the loss. Whatever it was -  it's going to be all okay. As they say - we live and learn. I guess sometimes it becomes hard to be clear about who we are when we are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past. People say - anytime we make a mistake, we have got two alternatives: Live with it or Fix it. But I have come to realize; sometimes you can neither fix nor live with it. Walking away might seem cowardly, I also used to think so, but sometimes it becomes one last gallant defiance of our spirit. Apparently, it won't cheer up at this stage, but it might give a sense of peace. It is bloody not easy, it can't be cowardly - I now know. It consumes every single ounce of strength that has been left in your soul, you gotta fight like hell with yourself to make sure you are still yourself, but one day it will be all fine, all okay. It's the only way we can look into our face with the same hope and pride that we have always held so close to our anima. We are the superman of our life - as one of the dear friends says. A lesson to gracefully let go, to never look back, let chaos do its job, to surrender when you know in your heart, you did all you could. Gracias life for this rite of passage.

I had read somewhere, "Let everything happen to you". I get its meaning now, I didn't get it then that life is also about losing and losing as gracefully as possible and enjoying everything in between. We may have a fresh start any moment we choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down. They say, life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant. I guess I should give more credits to my life for what it has offered me. I should be more thankful for disappointments and mayhems that it has offered because without them I would not have stumbled across my own self. Now, I am aware of the fact that my life is far better than I deserve. Besides whatever I do in life, it's just not worth doing if I can't laugh about it, if I can't make a toast over its brilliance or sheer stupidity, someday. I wish one day, I could look at my messy white hair locks in the mirror, howbeit few have graced already, and mumble to myself - you bloody fool! As they say, in the end, all that remains are only memories. I made mine and hopefully time to make new ones. Let's get a job first. Welcome to 30+, as Wish wished. Now let's lighten up and listen to this timeless graffiti. For me, the meaning of this song is not that complicated as many profess. Fukk all... turn off the lights, get a candlelight drink and interpret your own meaning. Now faukkking off, Senor!

Return of Game of Thrones 7

So finally tomorrow is the return of Game of Thrones 7. Ever since Red Wedding, what I seek is the total justice and vengeance for the murder of Catelyn Stark.

She was not a perfect woman but she fought till last, the only thing that ever matters to me, for her loved ones with a woman's motherly courage and strength. A woman with nerves of steel and a loyal heart, I admired her so much, truly and absolutely. She lost everything and yet she kept going. And the list of vengeance includes Baelish, too, a person who loved her for his entire life. I had an admiration for the love he had for Lady Stark but the way he let, the daughter of the woman he loved so immensely, suffer and humiliated repels me to the core. The only justice, that deems just must be served by the other daughter of Lady Stark, cold and raw. He could have saved her but he let all those happen to Sansa. I want him to suffer first, feel each and every bit for what he did and didn't, for what happened to Sansa, for not avenging Lady Stark. I am so bloody mad at him.

A thesis on Cows

I lived my entire childhood with my four siblings and four cows along with the mother cow (mother & father's cow).  My calf (mother cow's granddaughter), when she was born, she had that deep black heavenly eyes, I named her Kajri. I finally had my own mate.

Tragically we lost her at a very young age despite the best efforts of our veterinary doctor. She was around 8 months old. Grief turned out to be a place none of us knew until we reached there. I still remember her last rituals like yesterday. We saw her slowly leaving us, Mother was inconsolable, we were devastated, the last month was completely disastrous, and that was the start of the end of our life with cows. The tragedy of such grief is that the loss of a loved one is irreversible. It is total and final. Over the next few years, Mother kept looking for fitting families and handed over our cows one-by-one.

Living with animals open your eyes to a lot of things that might be unattainable otherwise. Our cows, they had souls, they had their own favorites, just like your pets, they love as we do. In the beginning, you might not understand them but eventually, you get past your fear and you realize how much personality they have and how individual they are, you finally overcome the barrier of human language and speak in the language of love, just as they do. Being an animal doesn't mean they are less than a person, they are just different, but not less. I feel I had a very pleasant childhood - being youngest, caring siblings, loving parents, a gorgeous woman (mother's friend) who had promised to marry and continue the flow of sweets and biscuits (totally despised her husband at that time), when I would be grown up, and not to mention our wonderful cows. What invoked those stuffs is this master thesis that a friend just sent.  Well, right now, it seems too far in distant future, but one day I hope, I and my daughters and sons, we will have a cow and her calf, a dog and a small place to grow plants just like my parents had.

Watch the story of Maybelle.

By the way, this is the thesis.  If it had come earlier, I would have loved to pursue this exciting topic - machine learning and cows.

Thesis Abstract:

Dairy farming as one part of agriculture has thousands of year’s history. The increasing demands of dairy products and the rapid development of technology bring dairy farming tremendous changes. Started by original hand milking, dairy farming goes through vacuum bucket milking, pipeline milking, and now parlors milking. The automatic and technical milking system provides a farmer with high-efficiency milking, effective herd management and above all booming income.

DeLaval AMR™ is the world's leading automatic milking rotary system. It presents an ultimate combination of technology and machinery which brings dairy farming with significant benefits. AMR™ technical milking capacity is 90 cows per hour. However, constrained by farm management, cow's condition and system configuration, the actual capacity is lower than technical value. In this thesis, an optimization system is designed to analyze and improve AMR™ performance. The research is focusing on cow's behavior and AMR™ robot timeout. Through applying knowledge discovery from the database (KDD), machine learning for bad cow prediction and modeling methods for system simulation, the optimizing solutions are proposed and validated.

Last StuStaCulum

Every chapter in life has to come to an end sometime. For many of us, this year's StuStaCulum marks the start of a new beginning, coming soon. In next few months, we all will be scattered far and wide like dust. It's a pleasant feeling undoubtedly though little heartbreaking too.

On a light note, recalling a memorable trend here, if you ask someone about something particular out in wild(Munich) and if we do not know the details, then you would be greeted with "Well, We live in StuSta, don't we?", obviously in a light vein. Munich is undoubtedly beautiful, a lot of memories we made with this city, but our place is like a warm nest - a living village with its own soul that Munich generously offered us.

Well all said, it's time to make our last StuStaCulum memorable. This is just morning, I know how sublime it would be by the end of this night. So, Let's gear up for our last Culum night- Prost!