Thursday, November 2, 2017

As They Say!

Latterly, I had a vivid dream of slowly losing my eyesight, like a lens zooming out of focus - a windy experience. I am not sure what does that signify, some say such dreams represent a loss of intuition, or perhaps a loss of something that is so dear to you. Or maybe, it is the subconscious mind reminder to see the reality what it really is that open eyes can't. Perhaps I see what it is but was refusing to accept as it is, perhaps I know the loss. Whatever it was -  it's going to be all okay. As they say - we live and learn. I guess sometimes it becomes hard to be clear about who we are when we are carrying around a bunch of baggage from the past. People say - anytime we make a mistake, we have got two alternatives: Live with it or Fix it. But I have come to realize; sometimes you can neither fix nor live with it. Walking away might seem cowardly, I also used to think so, but sometimes it becomes one last gallant defiance of our spirit. Apparently, it won't cheer up at this stage, but it might give a sense of peace. It is bloody not easy, it can't be cowardly - I now know. It consumes every single ounce of strength that has been left in your soul, you gotta fight like hell with yourself to make sure you are still yourself, but one day it will be all fine, all okay. It's the only way we can look into our face with the same hope and pride that we have always held so close to our anima. We are the superman of our life - as one of the dear friends says. A lesson to gracefully let go, to never look back, let chaos do its job, to surrender when you know in your heart, you did all you could. Gracias life for this rite of passage.

I had read somewhere, "Let everything happen to you". I get its meaning now, I didn't get it then that life is also about losing and losing as gracefully as possible and enjoying everything in between. We may have a fresh start any moment we choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down. They say, life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant. I guess I should give more credits to my life for what it has offered me. I should be more thankful for disappointments and mayhems that it has offered because without them I would not have stumbled across my own self. Now, I am aware of the fact that my life is far better than I deserve. Besides whatever I do in life, it's just not worth doing if I can't laugh about it, if I can't make a toast over its brilliance or sheer stupidity, someday. I wish one day, I could look at my messy white hair locks in the mirror, howbeit few have graced already, and mumble to myself - you bloody fool! As they say, in the end, all that remains are only memories. I made mine and hopefully time to make new ones. Let's get a job first. Welcome to 30+, as Wish wished. Now let's lighten up and listen to this timeless graffiti. For me, the meaning of this song is not that complicated as many profess. Fukk all... turn off the lights, get a candlelight drink and interpret your own meaning. Now faukkking off, Senor!